TO:  GOD

FROM: THE DOG

Dear God:  Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?

Dear God:  Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God:  When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?


Dear God:  Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a ddog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God:  If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?


Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?


Dear God:  More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God:  Are there mailmen in heaven? If there are, will I  have to apologize?

Dear God:  Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1.. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The litter box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are mom and dad's laps.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying hello.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table .
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house, not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
13. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration..
14. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.